You Left
by SemperSursum
Summary: A collection of song-fics. All events are related. NACY. Better than this summary, I assure you.
1. Talking To The Moon

A/N: This is the second songfic I've ever writter and the longest one of my works too. I've been listening to Bruno Mars lately and I thought up of a plot while listening to this song. His albums are great. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Jonas or the song 'Talking To the Moon' by Bruno Mars.

* * *

**Talking To the Moon**

_I know you're somewhere out there,  
Somewhere far away.  
I want you back,  
I want you back._

I stare outside the tinted window of our limousine. Rows and rows of fans screaming our names while trying to get close to the car. Their faces full of anticipation and excitement. They've waited for us to come back from a year long tour. They have waited for Jonas; for Kevin, Joe, and me. More than a million girls ready to embrace us and our music. More than half of them wish for us to direct our smiles at them_. More than a million._

But I only want to one girl, ever since I left New Jersey and till now. I only want her and no one else. Now, I'm back to the same place I saw her. She was one of those screaming fans. She was one of those girls who longed for Jonas, _for me. _

I know what I did a year back was unfair to her, almost unforgivable. She did nothing but made me smile during my darkest days. She made me see the brighter side of things. She shared her happiness with me. She made my burdens her problem. She was never selfless, unlike me. She gave me her heart and I left it dangling on a thin rope.

I never came during her times of need. She was already broken even before I left and I turned her into ashes when I did.

_But they don't understand.  
You're all I have,  
You're all I have._

There's truth in the saying 'You'll never know what you have once it's gone.' Never once did I tell her I loved her when we were together but she didn't complain. I was being a selfish monster but she deserved honesty. I never uttered those words because I thought I didn't love her. I was so caught up in my own crisis that I never realized my happiness with her was genuine and that unrecognizable feeling I get when she smiles at me warmly was actually love and not just plain guilt. I thought I was just using her to forget and that I was far from being in love.

I was wrong. She was my other half. The better half. She made me complete and I'm quite stupid for realizing that too late.

_At night when the stars  
light up my room,  
I sit by myself_

It's not like I wanted to leave. I didn't want to stay either.

I know that didn't made sense. I needed her but I needed my space too. I felt as if she was suffocating me that I grabbed the opportunity to go on tour to get away. She was all I had to make me happy and when the time came when she broke, I took that as a sign to come clean with her and tell her that there was nothing there. There was nothing between us but my selfishness of the warmth she gives off. I was just a mere human being, I needed a new source of happiness or I might break too. And I don't wanna be broken again. _I won't be broken this time._ But I never came clean because every time I look at her, it felt as if I was breaking too. I never told her what I really felt and what she was to me.

The best route to take was just to run away. _And that I did._

I realized that wasn't the best way at all. That shouldn't have been an option at all. I was just being a coward. She deserved more than that. She thought I was more than that but it turns out I was one too.

And now, I'm here all alone in my hotel room, trying to straighten out my thoughts. At first, it was just my head that was hurting but staring at the night sky made my heart ache too. I remembered what she said the night she found me on the other side of her door. I was mourning for my first love's death and she seemed like the only one who didn't shower me with sympathy and pity. When I ran out of the firehouse, my instincts lead me to her. Maybe I was lead there because my sub-consciousness told me I needed something real, something to make me feel. I needed to feel the hurt from losing someone I loved so much. What she said to me on her porch was what I just needed.

_Talking to the Moon  
Try to get to you  
In hopes you're on the other side._

She didn't lie. She never said it was going to be okay. She never said the hurt will fade away. She just sat there holding me up when tears fell from my eyes. She stroked my back.

Try talking to the moon, she whispered.

I didn't get what she said at first but realization dawned on me and caught up on her. I broke away from her arms and faced the moon which looked like it was mocking me. I poured out all the hurt I had to the moon and pretended it was Ally. I probably woke up her family from my yells but no one came outside to quiet me down.

_Talking to me too  
Or am I a fool  
who sits alone  
Talking to the moon_

She knew what she was getting into. She knew I was broken. She wanted to mend me, I wanted to be mended. It was a perfect set-up for us. The means we used to mend and to be mended was no where near perfect though.

I never told her but there were times I pretended she was Ally. A lot of times, actually. I think she knew what I was doing to fix myself. Maybe that was why she never expected me to answer her back whenever she says those three little words. She knew but never complained because she knew she loved me before hand. _She loved me._ Reason enough to go through everything just to make me happy when she herself wasn't. I don't know how she did it but she did fix me. You could still see the stitches though. I was fine but then, I'm not.

I never knew I really did love her until I lost her, until I was alone. I'm a fool, a fool for running away. I'm a jerk, a monster.

_I'm feeling like I'm famous,  
The talk of the town.  
They say I've gone mad._

I think I've gone mad, my brothers agree. They knew she was good for me, I'm not pretty sure if I was any good for her. She had the burden of being bombarded by the press. She had to make herself look prettier for my publicity. She had to get paper cuts from all the hate mails she got. She never complained. She was a puzzle I've only figured out when I took a break from her.

_I've gone mad  
But they don't know  
what I know._

She was way wiser than she seems. She saw through people. She knows when they're lying and knowing that hurts her. She never uttered a word against anyone for lying though. There was a time when she wanted to and that was the time when breathing was starting to get difficult around her. I was there with her that cold afternoon. We were sitting at the bench inside the atrium. I haven't seen her that whole morning that I wanted to be close to her and her seemingly never-ending warmth. I wanted to touch her but she flinched away when I did. She whispered sorry's, one after the other and getting louder and louder. She was breaking down. The pain she kept inside of her heart was escaping through an invisible hole.

It was a painful sight to see that I never mentioned it to her or our friends.

She was breaking but I never did anything for the fear that she might drag me down with her when the time comes that she can't handle it. And I sure can't handle that.

_Cause when the sun goes down,  
someone's talking back.  
Yeah,  
They're talking back._

The cold crept in so fast that evening. Everything felt like it was all in slow motion and blurred. I just wanted to see that angelic smile on her face to scare away the cold. But all I got are shouts of frustration and desperation. Curses flew back and forth. We were both out of control. That was it. My star won't ever come back. I had to go on. I left her there crying on the same porch where she gazed at me lovingly just months ago.

I never said good bye. I never bothered to apologize. She was broken but I still left.

_At night when the stars  
light up my room,  
I sit by myself._

"Nick, we think you need to stop moping around. Seriously, bro." Joe said when he entered my room without even knocking.

I just stared at him blankly. I've been keeping my act together. I'm pretty sure it was not noticeable but people keep on surprising me these days. "I'm not moping, Joe. Thinking deeply is different from moping."

"Seems the same to me. Tell you what, Stella wants us to come down to the firehouse tomorrow. She's throwing a welcome back party for us. That should at least cheer you up." He told me with that huge grin on his face. He's been in love with Stella ever since and the long distance was never a road block for them.

"Ok, Joe. Now, please go and close the door on your way out." I wasn't in a good mood. He shrugged and stomped out the door muttering something like "Brothers."

I sighed. She's gonna be at the party. I'd have to face her. I don't know if I could do it.

_Talking to the Moon,  
Try to get to You  
In hopes you're on the other side  
Talking to me too.  
Or am I a fool who sits alone,  
Talking to the moon._

I have to get ready. I needed to let her know. She has to know. I don't care if she hates me. I just had to let her know. She thought I never loved her but I did and I still do.

The moonlight illuminated the phone resting on top of a couple music sheets. I needed to hear her voice before I come face to face with her. _Me and my needs._

I scrolled down to find her number. I hope she didn't change it at all. Just a little hello and I would be contented with that. It ringed and kept on ringing until it got sent to her voicemail. I listened to her voice. She sounded happy, _unlike me._

I dialed her number again but this time, she picked up.

"Hello, this is Macy. Who am I speaking to?" She sounded as polite as ever that a small smile broke into my face. I got tongue-tied by just her voice. She hang her phone and even moments after that I just sat there motionless.

_Do you ever hear me calling?  
Cause every night  
I'm talking to the moon  
Still trying to get to you._

"Welcome back!" All of our Jersey friends yelled and hugged us. The firehouse still looked the same. This time though, it was filled with balloons and confetti. Familiar faces everywhere I looked. I scanned the room hoping to spot her and maybe even talk to her. I finally saw her and she was walking towards us.

I expected her to look furious and angry but she wasn't. She was smiling and the sparks were back into her eyes. She engulfed the three of us in a big bear hug like we were all still the same. I furrowed my eyebrows.

_I know you're somewhere out there,  
Somewhere far away._

Clearly, she has moved on. _I haven't._

_

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_

A/N: So, how is it? Good or bad? I don't know if I ended it well but I'm planning on continuing this if I get good feedbacks. It's kinda confusing, I know. I just kept on writing and writing so sorry if some of the parts seemed off. :)

Anyway, reached my goal days before Christmas break! 2,027 words! Thanks to all those who have kept on reading my fics. That means a lot to me(to any writer for that matter). You people have inspired me to write and try new things out. I love all of you even though I don't really talk much.


	2. Hands Of Time

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Jonas or 'Hands Of Time' by Rachel Diggs.

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**Talking To The Moon**_: **Hands of Time**_

_Life is a carousel,  
Dancing 'round the mirrors we go up and down.  
_

"He's back", Stella told me with a sheepish grin and an almost sorry expression. She knew what I've been through. She knew how much I suffered. She knew what had happened between us, between me and Nick. _  
_

_Nick._ I not so long ago refused to mention his name after he left. It was a name that I have loved and hated. It was a name that used to leave a tingling sensation in my stomach but now left a bitter after taste. Just his name was like alcohol.

Our first few months together seemed like a dream come true, it was breathtaking, intoxicating. He made me feel alive and I'm sure he felt the same too. Come to think of it, not only his name but he, himself, was like alcohol. He made me intoxicated with just the thought of having him around, having his arms to hold me, having his lips to kiss. For a while, I was happy. I knew I had to revel in that small amount of happiness and make moments last longer. I knew that someday, he was to realize that there are better girls out there who could give him much more than I did.

_It was inevitable._ I saw it coming and prepared myself for it. I saw it coming the day he knocked on my door and held him. I knew I was just for the mean time. It was evident by the way he smiles at me and by the way he never says he loves me back. I never complained because I knew where my place was. I was in no position to ask him why, I was in no position for him to love. Who was I anyway but a mere fan who showered him with warmth when he needed it the most. He only chose me because I resembled _her_ the most. He said we had the same smile but I highly doubt that. Hers, I bet, was a smile that made the whole world stop. Actually, just his for that matter. Mine was just a ghost that appeared ever so often to remind him that everything was fine and nothing amiss.

_So let the music take away the hurt you've come to know so well  
Let it go cause..._

The moment I realized my heart has cracked, I understood what that meant. I needed to empty it out. But I couldn't do that. Nick needed someone strong. I had to be strong for him. I knew he was going to leave anyway but I wanted to keep him a little longer. He hasn't realized that he wasn't the only selfish one in this relationship (if there was one for that matter).

I tried my best to make him happy. I shouldered his problems. I never bothered to correct him when he unconsciously calls me "Ally".

I gave him my heart, the heart which he left dangling on a string for its dear life.

_I had to sober up._

_You can't turn back the hands of time.  
Just let it go and you'll be fine.  
What's done is done and it's alright,  
you can't turn back the hands of time_

I had to set myself straight. I'm growing tire of it all. I'm not tired of loving him; I became tired of not being loved. I realized that my heart was not being treated like a heart at all. For the first time, I pitied myself.

I had to end it before it damages me further, but what was left to damage at all? It was too late to end it. I had to go with it until he gets tired of me too. But in the process of going through with it, I began to despise what we have become. We turned into monsters and there's no turning back for either of us.

I'm pretty sure he felt my hatred of what was happening between us. Maybe that was why he left for the tour. I broke down in front of him and I was such a disgusting sight that he had to run away. He had to run away from me. I was suffocating him and he left, cutting that thin string from which my heart dangled in his hurry.

The impact when it hit the rock bottom not only left it in shards, my heart turned into a pile of ashes. Surprisingly, _I wasn't surprised._

He abandoned me the moment my light vanished. He needed to find someone to make him happy because I can't do that anymore. He needed a new source of warmth. He left me because I wasn't what he needed anymore. That was all there was to it. As simple as that.

_Another day is gone,  
washed away with sorrows that you dwelled upon._

He was circling the globe, meeting millions of his fans. I was here in New Jersey, pretending everything was normal. But everyday, I kept on remembering him; his scent, his eyes, his curls.

"Mace, are you listening?" Stella asked me the moment she reappeared from my bathroom. She was talking to Joe, I could tell. How they made their relationship survive was still a mystery to me. Maybe it was because they _love_ each other. I should be happy about that but my stomach scrunches up remembering a curly-haired boy I used to love.

"Yeah. They're back." I answer her. I can't use 'he' this time. That'll only make the realization affect me more than it should. I've gotten over him after weeks of sleepless nights and crying but I don't know how I'll hold up when I finally see him.

"I'm throwing them a party. Are you okay with that?" She bit her lip. Joe was coming back, Stella's ecstatic to see him. I can't spoil that for her. She's been with me through it all. I can't deny her that.

"I'm fine with it, Stell." I flash her my best smile.

_And as the moon is rising, you think to yourself  
I could be gone, if I go now._

Stella went home already and I'm left all alone in my new apartment. I turned off the lights in hopes of getting sleep but it never came. The moon illuminated half of the room. I got up to close the curtains but the moment I lifted my hands, I stopped. My bracelet glistened against the light. It was a gift from my mom.

Red lines adorned my wrist along with it. No wonder I can't completely forget all the pain I've been through. I just couldn't bring myself to take it off though. The cuts… I don't know how long they'll be there.

The moonlight seemed like it was taunting me, mocking me. It was reminding me of being left behind.

Left behind. Abandoned.

That'll never happen to me ever again. Never again. This time, I'll be the one leaving. I'm not being selfish. I know it's because of me that Stella refused to go on tour with the brothers. It's partly because of me that my mom…

Something on top of my shelf glistens against the moonlight. It was the cutter we used earlier to unpack.

_I could leave now if I wanted to,_ was one of the bitterest thoughts that played in my mind.

_You can't turn back the hands of time  
Just let it go and you'll be fine (woah)  
What's done is done and its alright  
You cant turn back the hands of time_

"He's coming back." This time I acknowledged him, trying it out. If I'm going to meet him, I don't want to be the one who was lost when he left. Past is past and I can't change that. He's still a member of my favorite band. He's still Kevin and Joe's little brother. Plus, he _used to be_ my friend.

Back to being friends, a good thought but quite silly to me. It's a good way to face him though.

Then, friends it is. It'll be like as if nothing has happened.

This is better; for my sanity and his.

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**A/N:** This is gonna be a two-part sequel. I can't seem to cram up all of Macy's thoughts and feelings in one song. I've had some suggestions on the next song and I've picked out the few that I like but if you have more suggestions I'm open to it. I don't know if I did well on this one. I seriously don't like this. It's all smush when I reread it. I hope you understand. In this one, Stella tells Macy that the guys are back and Macy's reminiscing about the old times (I dare not say 'good). REVIEWS PLEASE? :)


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